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[shrublord]

"You sure you got the right guy?"

ic inbox for utopique voice, text, or still photo

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[snipers]

[ it's 'pester archers' day ]

Maybe. It's possible. Is this the Short Archer?

[shrublord]

Nope. Better luck next time.

[snipers]

Caped Archer. Archer-not-in-a-skirt.

[shrublord]

[Not the best, but it's dragging Emiya, so he'll take it.]

Good enough. What do you want?

[snipers]

You seem like the kinda guy who's a grumpy loner. Am I wrong?

text 1/2

[rosaichthys]

IMAGE SENT...

[rosaichthys]

I need you to model for me. I'm giving you another chance.

[shrublord]

Why are you sending me pictures like that.

[rosaichthys]

Can you not read! I said I would forgive you, now model for my next charm! Be proud, Green Archer. I am being kind.

[shrublord]

Yeah, demanding to see my dick is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. You're SO generous.






That was sarcasm.

2 days after 'pester archers happy hour';

[snipers]

[ you know what robin will find in his room? a small figurine, no bigger than a chess piece, in the shape of an archer.

it's made of brass. kinda cheap, but that's only because yukari 100% expects robin to throw it out.

there's no name attached to it. ]

day 13; morning.

[snipers]

[ after several days of small trinkets getting delivered to robin hood's place, there's something a little more personal: a small green tea plant, growing in a teacup. there's a note written in swirly, clear letters that says "It's not poisonous."

it's not yukari's writing, but given the content, it's easy enough to guess that it's from her. ]

day 16; morning. just fills up your contact post im sorry

[snipers]

[ with everything that's going on, yukari's cutting right to the chase: ]

Do you still need a Master?

GOOD

[shrublord]

I'm in the market, yeah. Got any suggestions?

8D

[snipers]

Yeah, I do.

Me.

[shrublord]

That's awfully sudden. Not that I'm opposed, but you know it's a lot of strain on the Master, right?

[snipers]

It can't be any worse than taking care of a flock of rambunctious sheep.

[castrationfist]

[JUST WHO YOU WANTED TO HEAR, RIGHT]

Hello! Is this the phone of a certain irritating Archer who can't fight without pretending to be an Assassin?

[shrublord]

I've actually assassinated people, so I'm not sure you can say I'm pretending.

[He knows what she means, but also

5* Assassin Robin when, DW]

[castrationfist]

[never.]

Well, I can certainly say you're not very good at it.

But, as fun as it is to irritate you, I actually have a reason for contacting you. You've surely noticed by now what's happening?

[shrublord]

Fleabags like you don't know how to be good at anything, so I guess I'm not surprised you feel that way.

[He turns uncharacteristically serious when she mentions the current state of affairs, though.]

...Of course I've noticed what's going on. If this keeps up, and people can't even get what they need through honest methods, I might have an opportunity to show you just how good I am at killing people without some straight-laced geezer holding me back.

[He's beyond angry with the whole thing, really. He had a lot of spite and vinegar in the Moon Cell Grail War, but that doesn't even begin to compare to now. It's a deeply personal thing to him, as Tamamo might be able to imagine.]

backdated to whatever day it was that emiya went home;

[snipers]

[ because she can't be bothered to find her device for this, yukari's reaching out to robin using their magical connection. partly to make sure he's still here, but also because... well, she's holding two tiny sheep in her arms, and one of them is bleating pitifully. ]

Hey. Are you around?

[shrublord]

Nope, leave a message.

[What a douche, but to be fair he doesn't know Emiya's off being an idiot in a mask.]

[snipers]

[ oh my god. but it at least puts her at ease to hear his voice in her head.

which, she realizes almost immediately, is really weird for her. ]

I need your help. Mumei-san's gone and Mashu-chan won't stop crying.

[shrublord]

Seriously? It isn't my job to take care of that asshole's pets for him, especially when I already have a shitty sheep to deal with. Can't you just go get him?

[He doesn't realize she means gone gone.]